as strange as angels

where troubles melt like lemon drops...

Fri, 26 May 2006 05:41:16 GMT

Hello Journal. It's been a while.

Yesterday was my last final (accounting) and I am brave enough to say I think I aced it. NO school until after Vegas. I have almost two weeks off to sit on my ass and do nothing. Not really nothing, my hemoglobin has dropped to 9 and now I have to go back to another hematologist and a gastrointestinal doctor to check for internal bleeding. Thumbs down.

Today I bought a bomb ass bathing suit for Cancun and some other stuff. It feels so good to have money. Other than that my life is super boring, but isn't boring good sometimes? Boring means no problems, no drama. It's just like standing still and not remembering the earth is rotatling.

This guy I have been talking to is sooo strange. He jocks me and then he deletes me from myspace. I think he is pissed at me because I haven't called him back in a few days (I was sick!) so I email him and in turn, I receive a nice email from him. Lazem to delete me from myspace? It's not that serious.

Now the disturbing confession. I want to make sweet love to Taylor Hicks with strawberry jelly and say who's your soul patrol, bitch? Okay not the last part.

The End.

photo shoot!

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 08:03:47 GMT

Bella & I took pictures tonight:

I uploaded this pic of Riley tonight. I love love LOVE my monkey!:

maybe i am numerical.

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 07:35:35 GMT

Everything was going so well yesterday. I went to Accounting, pimped some questions and scored some candy for answering correctly. Nothing like Runts to motivate you. Then I had the chance to see how I was doing in class, so I built up my courage as I walked to the front of the classroom and peered down at the list of percentages. And just like that, BAM! I saw that I had a whopping 99% as an overall grade in the class. WHAT THE HELL?! Where did that come from? I was sooo excited until I made the deadly mistake of calling my dad. He quickly flushed my goldfish down the toilet when he jommed me. Why does it take so much to make him proud? He doesn't mean to be that way, but he is. He thinks school is a waste of time and money. I guess that's what happens when you work your whole life for where you are now. I just wish sometimes he would be a little bit supportive. I don't know why, but then I started to tear up like a small child. Stupid, I know. I was just so proud of myself and disappointed that my father couldn't share in my enthusiasm.

Anyways, my brothers think I'm crazy because I made Bella cake for her birthday and gave her and my other dog a piece to celebrate. It was raining and I had nothing better to do. So what.

p.s. why is it so hard for me to read the required chapters prior to class?! i seriously think i have add and i need rimadyl.

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 08:14:19 GMT

IS this true? Hardly anyone penetrates my heart? baher.

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 07:09:23 GMT

I am a busy girl tonight. I spent my night cleaning up a Christmas tree and the wrath it's left behind and right now I am packing to take off to Tahoe in the morning. I am so excited because I will be showing up on the tail-end of a severe winter storm! Fresh snow is so beautiful. My flight lands late Friday afternoon, just in time to spend Friday night out avec mes amis. I've lost so much of my French:( What happens to it?

Bella is so freaking cute. I want to bite her!! She keeps jumping up on the end of my bed and leaning over far enough so that she can barely kiss my face and beg me to get off of my computer. God, I love my dog to pieces.

p.s. i am so obsessed with Nina's "You've Got to Learn," right now. I love this song because it leaves no room for self-pity.

all you gotta do is smile that smile...

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 07:21:30 GMT

One semester down, about 6 to go. Not really, but something like that. I took my last final today on some computer nonsense. The bad news is my books are ridiculously expensive this semester. My accounting class requires two, YES TWO, books and each one is over $150, not to mention a study guide. That's over $350 just for one class. The other four books are approx $150 to $175 each. Good thing I can cash in at the end of the semester (that's sarcasm there just in case you didn't notice).

I re-visited Disneyland tonight with Oma and Aunt Sheri. My poor grandma is growing up. She is so tough and she refuses to use any kind of walking assistance, but she can't handle walking like she used to. She is in pretty good shape, but I think the mini-stroke she had slowed her down a little bit. We made it to The Nightmare Before Christmas and Winnie the Pooh before retiring. Since when does Disneyland close at 8? Anyways, I LOVE The Nightmare Before Christmas/Haunted Mansion. Why doesn't Disneyland just leave the Haunted Mansion that way permanently? It is 100 times better.

I wish I had someone to celebrate with tonight. I would have loved to go out for margaritas or some kind of mixed drink tonight. I am free for a month! I feel like shouting from rooftops.

I don't want a lot for Christmas...

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 05:59:54 GMT

I just came back from Cari's. I am so happy because I saw my little munchkin. I have to get a Christmas Tree tomorrow. YAY! I love real trees. What is the point of having a fake tree. Please, don't even waste your time ladies and gents.

My favorite part of Christmas is all of the surprises when you wake up. I love waking up to a full stocking and the excitement of not knowing what is beneath all of that perty wrapping paper!

The anticipation is killing me.

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 22:40:50 GMT

One final down, two to go. Three finals is really no big deal, but I will be surprised to see how I do next semester with five classes. Here is my schedule:

Mondays and Wednesdays Tuesdays and Thursdays

Astronomy 10:30-11:50 Economics 101 10:30-11:50
Business Law 12-1:20 Accounting 101 12-2:20
Math 3-4:50

The class that I am especially nervous about is my Business Legal Environment class. Rate my Professor.com says that the professor is good, but the class is extremely hard.

It's a Small World After All........

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 09:11:40 GMT

So many things are happening in my life right now, but none too exciting. Sometimes I feel like I'm on life's freeway and the world is all a blur. Finals are finally here and Christmas is on its way. I am about 9 hours in debt to the math lab, but I think I have come to terms with dropping 9 % (that's one point for every hour I lack) off of my grade. I did get my research paper back and I'm very happy that my hardass teacher gave me a "hefty B" on my research paper. He said that, "a hefty B." This is only surprising because homeboy doesn't give B's out very often. I was supposed to leave for Tahoe on Wednesday afternoon, but I didn't realize that I have a final on Thursday. Plus, I have a Christmas party to go to on the 23rd and I wouldnt' be back in time for the unveiling of everyone's secret santa.

A lot of people probably don't realize this, but life is pretty complicated with no other girl in the house. Without my mother here to take care of normal things, I am left to do a lot more than I normally would. Growing up, I never had chores and I was rarely pressured to clean my room. My mom did it all. She hated us getting involved in housework. Now, it is my job to clean the floors, wash the dishes, get the house ready on holidays, feed the dogs, go grocery shopping. My dad helps out as much as he can too, but my brothers and him live here like this is a bachelor pad. Since when is it my job to wash my brothers and my dad's clothes? I never mind helping out, but I get sick of doing it all.

Tonight, my aunt bought me a disneyland pass as an early christmas present so that I could meet up with Rita, Nachos, and Sonya at Disneyland. At first, it was extremely frustrating because the park was way overcrowded with wall to wall people and NO organization, but by the end of the night I was having a great time. I had fun in fantasyland because it reminded me of being a child. All of a sudden my life was rewound back to age 5 and I was standing in line with pink Mickey Mouse ears on waiting to get on Snow White. I LOVED the Haunted Mansion all decked out Nightmare Before Christmas style. The ride is a million times better that way. I was also so happy that I had someone to ride It's a Small World with me. Rita NEVER goes on that ride with me:( I can't wait to go back.

Ice in my Eyes and Eyes Like Ice Don't Move

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 06:15:38 GMT

this is how i feel recently:

Scarred  Your back was turned  Curled like an embryo  Take another face  You will be kissed again  I was cold as I mouthed the words  And crawled across the mirror  I wait  Await the next breath  Your name  Like ice into my heart
A shallow grave  A monument to the ruined age  Ice in my eyes  And eyes like ice don't move  Screaming at the moon  Another past time  Your name  Like ice into my heart
Everything as cold as life  Can no one save you?  Everything  As cold as silence  And you never say a word  Your name  Like ice into my heart  Your name  Like ice into my heart

gotta love the cure.

I've got to get to you first...

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 09:28:45 GMT

I had so much fun tonight. After waiting for a few hours at the box office, Rita and I scored fourth row tickets. The second the lights went out, we all rushed to the center circle where dave comes out and dances (which was only about FOUR feet from our chairs). Before we knew it, we were leaning on the stage and Dave and Martin would be sweating on us all night. At one point, Dave walked up to a girl to the left of us, held her hand and kneeled down to sing behind the wheel to her. Then he let her sing the "i'm going cheap," line and blew her a kiss as he walked away. For the last song, Dave and Martin came out and did a duet on the stage we were leaning on. I shouted "MARTIN!," along with the other four million people, but I guess because I was right at his side, he turned to me and held my hand and slipped me his guitar pick. Awww. I love him. What an exciting night. I can't believe that Dave is straight. He dances like a pineapple on fire....a hot one at that. Anyways, it was a night to remember and I am so happy I went. :)

p.s. richard blade was standing across from us dancing and singing along. you know you have great seats when richard blade is your neighbor.

left to my own devices...

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 16:33:51 GMT

the next 28 hours scare me. why does everything always happen at the same time? i have a japanese crackhead for a teacher in my business writing class who expects us to have a research paper done on tues. JUST so he can look it over before we turn it in because according to him "we are all going to fail". an hour after plunging to my death in my business writing class, there is my cis 111 class. i have 2 spreadsheets due with all of these crazy formulas and an exam on all of this nonsense. but it doesn't end there my friends, over thanksgiving, i will be lucky enough to work on a presentation for business writing. yay! at least it's not a group project. but, my teacher is a total japanese hitler.

let's talk about friday. last week i made a much needed appointment with my hematologist. i am overdue for a set of ten treatments that i was supposed to complete back in june. i had 3 but with my job-quitting nonsense, my insurance changed and it was a mess getting another referral. i tell the trick on the phone that i have a referral and confirm that everything is set to get my infed. i EVEN read off my referral to her telling her that it says "office consultation" and ask her if it is going to be a problem. oh, no she assures me. yeah, okay. once again, i show up to the office and it was a HUGE waste of time because the referral didn't authorize me for treatment, just an office visit. ughk.... one day i will have oxygen carried to my major organs again....

the good news is i had a fun weekend doing barely anything. on friday night i kidnapped jennette so she would see walk the line with me. good movie. i cried. saturday had rita, nachos, shawn, sonya, and i playing pictionary followed by a crazy game of balderdash. i swear i almost peed my pants TWICE. lazem to make it african themed balderdash? and on sunday, i was a homebody with the exception of a trip to target and barnes and noble. i spent the day with my brothers and it was really nice to get along with each other for a change.

will i pass my test? will i finish my homework? will my reasearch paper send me back to business writing for the spring semester? stay tuned...

p.s. bella is like a young child in the morning. when she wakes up, she walks over to you all disoriented and has to be hugged. i heart my doggie.

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 09:01:27 GMT

I'm here! There was a bunch of Turbulence on the plane and I came this close to throwing up. Then we had to drive through thick snow blowing around on the way home. It was a little scary. The cutest thing was Riley's commentary the whole way. I love that little girl.

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 04:18:06 GMT

Just like that I have a ticket into Reno tomorrown night. My aunt & uncle called and they want Cari, Riley and I to fly up and stay with them in Tahoe. My dad is racing this weekend so he is already up there. I'm excited to walk around the lake and there is supposed to be snow this weekend, so we'll see.

On a bad note, I have a research paper that I was planning on working on this weekend. If I don't get it into my crazy teacher for correction before the final turn-in date, I will be screwed.

I talked to one of my friends last night and it made me think. She is such a nice person, but she hangs on to problematic men and by problematic, I don't mean little problems. Why are girls so stupid? They are so desperate to be in love that they cling on to a saling ship. Or maybe I should say a sinking ship? Screw that, if a man is fucked up, I'm not going down on his Titanic.

if you don't have a song to sing...

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 09:23:16 GMT

I just got back from Knott's Scary Farm with Alicia, Rita, Nachos, Shawn and Sonya. We had so much fun scaring Rita because that beeyatch screams everytime something jumps out at her. By 9:30 we had done all of the mazes. My favorite was the Terrorvision maze which included spoofs like "The Fraidy Bunch" or "American Idiot," but the creepiest of all was the condemned house. That house took things a little too far with the dead fetus in the incubator or the Karen Carpenter Bulimia Research Lab. LAZEM? All in all we had fun. The only thing that could have made the night better was a funnel cake. It wasn't worth standing in line, but I do have a strange craving for strawberry jelly. We also watched a show that was pretty much about mind over matter and how you could control your pain. I thought it was going to be simply fun and magic, but it was actually real. Homeboy ate glass, stuck a sharp piece of metal through his arm, and laid on a bed of nails with four macho men standing on him. Oh yeah! AND a gypsy gave me a tarot card reading. It was pretty vague, but there's something about standing in line and hearing the gypsy complalin about lunch breaks that kinda killed the whole reading thing for me.

p.s. my tv (and cable box) just turned off by itself. weird. that is the second time that it has done that this week.

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 17:53:24 GMT

Bright Eyes Santa Barbara Bowl, Santa Barbara, CA Sat, Oct 22, 2005 06:30 PM Your Ticket(s) Section Row Type Ticket Price Building Facility Charge Convenience Charge Description SEC E X FULL PRICE TICKET US $24.50 US $3.50 US $9.45 PRICE LEVEL 1 SECOND SECTION UPPER LEVEL TERRACE HOUSE CENTER SEC E X FULL PRICE TICKET US $24.50 US $3.50 US $9.45

IM GOING TO SEE BRIGHT EYES ON SATURDAY!!! :)

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 07:34:32 GMT

On Thursday, a bunch of us went to the Old Spaghetti Factory and had dinner for Nachos birthday. Then on Friday we went to Dungeon. It's not really my place, but I thought it would be fun to go because it was Nachieli's birthday and how can you knock it until you've tried it.

I did Rita's make up in this one!

The music was so loud and there were girls getting whipped on stage. I'm not innocent and the other girls don't even pay attentiion to that crazy shit, but I found it so disturbing! The best part of the night was bahering. The funniest shit was this girl that was falling out of her clothes. I know that I am a meatball, but this chick was trying to be Britney Spears. She had on a white collared shirt with no bra that her buddha belly was straight up falling out of and then she was wearing a skirt that only covered half of her panties. It looked like she was wearing a diaper! Then Rita was banging on the bathroom door while Nachos was peeing and her drunk ass was yelling "TURD BURGLAR! TURD BURGLAR!". Fadeeha. Some goth bondage chick ran up to use the bathroom and saw Rita yelling turd burglar and yelled "OH MY GOTH!" before running off.

I just got back from The Melting Pot. My aunt took us all out for a "Ladies Night". I had a Vodka-Cranberry. Yummy. I love that place, but it was better the first time we went. It was really nice to see my aunt again. Too bad she is leaving to go back to Tahoe.

The sky looks like it has it's own nightlight here. I don't ever remember seeing so much lightning as I have tonight.

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 23:31:43 GMT

I had a blast at Velvet last night. They played Goldfrapp, Peaches, Yeah Yeah Yeah's, and a lot more great music. When we got there, the security guard busted a short joke on Nachos. We danced and watched the Go-Go girls. A couple of them just shook their ass and could get away with it because they had a good body. Only one of them could really dance, but she would kill it when she bent over so far you could put a telescope in her ass. Nasty hoochie mama. At the end of the night, Sonya met a mustache, Rita got the shakes and Nachos was still short.

Bryan called. We are meeting in front of the library tomorrow morning to go over stuff for our presentation. I am still hoping to hear from Nicole, but I haven't heard from her all weekend. It's going to be suicide tomorrow morning. I hate that class.

You and Your Pink Sunset

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 17:22:41 GMT

Yesterday Linda and I went to the library to work on some school work. I saw Napolean Dynamite's twin. Why is it when I get the balls to walk up to him and snap a picture right in his face, it doesn't come out? I do it again and still, too dark :(. I am really worried about my group presentation that was thrown on me on Tuesday and is due on Tuesday. That's one week. The part that scares me is my group members aren't exactly involved. Nobody was able to meet prior to Tuesday and now I am stuck dividing up the work and putting together a PowerPoint presentation once I receive everyone's work. I haven't heard back from anyone yet. I hate group projects. Cross your fingers.

Rita, Linda, and I hung out at Nachos and Shawn's last night. We drank a little. Okay, some of us a little (that was me) and some of us a lot (that was rita and nachos). We kicked Rita, Shawn and Linda's ass in Catchphrase. Then we had a dance party and went home.

Tonight I'm going to Velvet!! I love that place.

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 06:46:05 GMT

I was cleaning out my closet this afternoon and I found 4 journals that I had written in over the years. It's so weird to look back at your life and realize that everything in life pretty much works itself out in the end. Anyways, it inspired me to write in my lj.

Last weekend was so much fun. On Friday night I had a chance to live out my childhood dream and see Dolly Parton in concert. She is so freaking cute. I want to be friends with her and pick the banjo while she sings. Thanks to Danny for taking me. We dropped in at French Market to catch up with Raymond and eat dinner, but he wasn't working. Then we drove to Fiesta Cantina to hook up with the g to the lo and Rita. I had a few glasses of wine and was ready to dance when Ricky and everyone else was ready to leave. When we got back to Glo's, Rita and I decided to take off because of nonsense between her and Ricky. We waited out our alcohol at Denny's before Rita drove back to Orange. By the way, Dennys is major ghetto in LA. Only vatos go to Dennys after a night out in LA. I guess in Orange County we all go to Denny's because it is the only place open.

On Saturday, Nachos, Shawn, Rita and I drove down to San Diego. We had no plans, except for eating at Uno's. We took the bridge to Coronado and played by the seaside. Then, we drove around and talked in the sand while Rita checked out the "haunted" Hotel Del Coronado. It was interesting because apparently there had just been a wedding and the groomsmen walked out onto the beach with four huge bunches of balloons. There were notes in the balloons instructing the each person that found them to call the newlyweds so they could see just how far their balloons traveled. I guess I am a nerd because I immediately thought about doing that. We exited the freeway and parked on a hill over looking the landing strip at San Diego Airport. All of us had fun listening to music and watching airplanes fly right over us. Then we managed to get lost in a forest along a scenic route on our way home.

What I love about my family is that we are all so close. I love that I can lay in my dad's room while I am sick because it makes me feel a little bit better. I love that my cousin gets all up in my business simply because I know her doing so means she cares. I love how my Oma turns a family dinner into a family reunion. Just like that my uncle, aunt, cousins are all at my house.

I feel all sentimental right now. I really miss Rosalina. I wonder when she comes back from Mexico. The end.

P.S. I swear I didn't rent Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants tonight.

Let Freedom Ring

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 01:58:06 GMT

I feel so free and so lost at the same time. Today, I handed in my resignation letter. It was liberating. I just need to set my mind on what I want to do with my life now. I always wanted to major in International Business, but how do you use that in a real way to help someone or something? My true love is with animals and I would love to be a Vet, but I am afraid I don't have it in me. Besides, that would take a good 6 years from where I am now and that is crazy. In six years I will be 32. Maybe I should just join the Peace Corps and live in a 3rd world country for 2 years. I have always wanted to do that, but I have no balls.

Anyways, today when I handed in my resignation letter, Laurie (my manager) asked if it was because of the drag queen bi-polar bitch that I work for. I told her that it had absolutely nothing to do with that, but that she was icing on the cake. It all started last week when I showed up to work 15 mins. late. Jennette and Rita told me that the DQ (drag queen) was pissed and that she shouted to the whole office that she had a "part-time assistant who never worked". Just in case you were wondering, that's me. Laurie called me into a conference room way on the other side of the building where she was sitting with Kevin. They told me that before DQ yelled out her mean remark to the whole office, she had gone up to Laurie and chewed her out about me. She said that I had NEVER given her back any files from Saturday (yeah, I came in on a SATURDAY) and that I left at 3 the afternoon before. First of all, I came in early on Monday and worked OT simply to comply with her unreasonable request to finish 20 files by Monday morning and they were ALL finished by 8AM on MONDAY MORNING. Second, I was in a training session with Kevin ( a manager who was dealing with the problem) until after 4 the day before. And thirdly, luckily I had kept a work log showing that not only was my work done within 2 days of receipt, but that I was the most current of all the assistants. Heaven forbid that bits have anyone else as an assistant. Then she told my manager that if I didn't leave, she would. ALL OF THIS AFTER ONLY 2 MONTHS of employment. In case you are wondering how it turned out, DQ's plan backfired. She only made me look better and got herself into a world of trouble. I don't think she has much time left at this job....
They took it all the way up to Human Resources in Home Office.

I am still very nervous about my decision but it is what I am sticking with. I can finish school so quickly with no job and get started on a real career. It was really sweet because Laurie told me that I was always welcome back and that she would hire me in an instant anywhere she worked. She said not to worry and that I had a good reputation with many people in the insurance industry so I would always have a job if I needed one. Good to know. I sense poor days ahead.

Back to the real problem, what do I major in and what do I want to do when I grow up? Why is it taking me so long to grow up? I am reading Po Bronson's "What Should I Do with My Life?"

Maybe he knows?

alone on an airplane...fell asleep against the window pane

Sat, 02 Jul 2005 22:44:36 GMT

So we get to the airport on time and yeah, you guessed it- our flight is delayed 2 1/2 hours. Yuck. Now all six of us are sitting around trying to keep ourselves busy. I'm glad that Bran is with me cuz he is good company. :) I think that I have read the same Brad and Angelina story 3 times between People, US and InTouch. JOM. What sucks is that my dad is picking us up from the airport and now we are delayed and he, my uncle and my cousin are going to have to find something to do for the gap of time that we are delayed.

Good news. Earlier this week, Cari, Oma, Aunt Sheri, Bran, and I all went to The Melting Pot for dinner. All I have to say is that The Melting Pot is my new favorite restaurant. We ordered something called "The Big Night Out" which is a four course meal and you can swap any combination out. We began with the Walnut Pesto Cheese Fondue and the Traditional Swiss. They came with 2 trays of bread and a couple dishes filled with sliced apples (my favorite) and vegetables. After the cheese, came our Cherry Blossom Salad. Then since we ordered 2 meals (which say that they feed 2 people each, but could easily feel the LA Lakers starting team) we also go to choose 2 different broths to cook our meats/vegetables in. We picked the Coq Au Vin and the MOJO. The first broth was a red wine based broth with mushrooms and other spices. Good for red meat. The second was a citrus-y broth which was extremely good with chicken and vegetables. Then they brought out a bunch of sauces. The best part of the meal was dessert. For our dessert fondue, we stuck with S'mores and The Flaming Turtle. I know, I know. Calm down. To dip, they brought out an assortment of pound cake, brownies, cheesecake, graham crackers (my favorite), strawberries, bananas, pineapple and more. Heaven.

p.s. i love riley.

a hundred thousand million days......

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 07:10:39 GMT

Last night, Nachos, Rita and I met Shawn at The Old Spaghetti Factory in Newport to have dinner. We walked around the beach and watched the sunset while we argued over whether or not we would go to Best Buy. Yes, we ended up at Best Buy and then at Bonnies (a.k.a. The Goodwill) to watch Hitch. It was a cute movie, but towards the end, I couldn't take it anymore. It seemed like another movie I had seen a hundred times before.

This morning, I woke up on 5 hours of sleep. What ever happened to the days when I got 11 hours of sleep on weekends? I guess that is a sign that I am growing up. I don't want to get old, but it's inevitable. So, today I went to Carlsbad with Cari and Aunt Sheri to return a bag and cruise some shops. People are so incredibly, unbelievably rude. I bought a shirt at RL, and as I was leaving I saw that it was 2 for $40 each or $50 when you buy one. I picked out another color and brought my previous purchase to the counter so that they could ring up my new shirt and credit me for the one that I had just bought. The punk ass kid behind the counter says something about me having a return and then in a confused way tells me to get in line at another cashier so that someone else can ring me up because he can't do returns. It didn't seem right, but I got in the other line. The bitch behind one of the registers says something to the boy next to her like, "Chad!, not it. Chad, return! Not it!", and the bastard then says, "I don't know how to do returns." It wasn't like they were laughing and joking about not wanting to do it, they were just lazy and she was a bitch. NOBODY wanted to help me. What the hell? I just threw the shirt on the floor and walked out. Fucking teenage bastards. I didn't want the shirt badly enough to deal with their asshole attitudes and everyone was waiting for me outside. Eh. Now I am about to finsih watching The Aviator. I remember my crazy grandma said that Howard Hughes hit on her. What a waste of a day.

I am really excited about Jennette's barbecue tomorrow. A lot of people are coming and I can't wait to see Gary and hang out with Ed, Laurie and all of my usual peeps. Cool deal.

P.S. I am really obsessed with the Natalee Halloway story right now. I can't believe that they haven't found her yet. I really sympathize with her family. I was just reading People and her mom said something about them staying in what was her hotel room and how the light was still on when they first got to Aruba. She said that she doesn't turn it off because that's what a parent does, leave the light on and wait for their child to come home. That made me cry. How can this world be both so beautiful and so disgusting at the same time?

you say that i treat you like a book on a shelf....

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 05:13:22 GMT

Today I had lunch with Pat, Uncle Bill and my dad. We went out for sushi at Koisan and it was really, really good. I don't typically like Japanese food, but the teriyaki chicken was yummy. After work, I came home and booked our flights to Seattle. Alaska Airlines makes me sick. I don't know why, but recently it has been so much money to fly to Seattle. In one day, the price for our tickets went from $401 to $477. We couldn't figure out why the price was fluctuating from $477 per ticket and then back to $407. Then we noticed that when we put in a larger party, the price was higher per ticket. I couldn't believe it! We just broke up our party between 4 and 2 and got all tickets for $407 in lieu of $477. That is a seventy dollar difference per ticket.

Later on, Rita and I went out for frozen yogurt with Bella. I love Golden Spoon. All I have to say is Pistachio or St. Patrick's Mint. The owner even brought out some yogurt for Bella to eat. I guess a lot of dog owners go there just to get their dogs frozen yogurt.

I'm going to read Brandon's script and go to bed. Goodnight.

p.s. I want a baby elephant.

fade out again...

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 02:00:55 GMT

I have never felt so useless as I have this week. Why is it that you can have everything that you want and money for more, but you cannot be happy? Everything that I did this week was fucking pointless. It always goes wrong. I don't want to invite myself to my own little pity party, but when am I going to do something right? One pathetic week. Why is it that horrible people have both their parents and I sit and watch the world hate their mothers while I am secretly jealous. Not to say that I am unappreciative, but I would be lying if I didn't say that it doesn't feel like a million sharp needles sticking me whenever one of my friends or my cousin has their mom come over and help them with something or take them out or just basically support them in one way or another. Today my wonderful dad picked me up from the St. Joseph's and we went to Cari's house. I accidenally slipped and said something about it must be nice to have a mom and a dad and he heard me. I felt like the biggest bitch because he said "what, am I not good enough?" The sad thing is that he isn't. He's a man. I like to do girl things sometimes or just have my mom wrapped around my finger so that I can con her into taking me somewhere. Sometimes it's so hard to get up in the morning. Everyday it's an alarm that goes off in my head telling me wake up, time to go to work, you have an hour to get ready, your mom is dead. Maybe all this if fueled by the recent slew of nightmares that I have had in the past week.

So, my family has hooked me up to quit my job and go back to school full time. If I go back full time, I can finish up a lot quicker and get it out of the way. I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have always wanted to be a teacher or a veterinarian, but vet school is so competitive and to be a teacher I will really need patience. Then there is always something successful and simple like going back to insurance and becoming an underwriter where the money is good, but the hours are long. The problem with that is also that it's not very fulfilling and you aren't contributing to much except for working people for their money. I am putting in my notice in July. Most of my debt will be paid off with the exception of my car. I'm going to be poor, but it will only last 2 years. I will survive. I remember I was a charity case.

Early in the week, I went to pick up my transcripts from FJC. I looked at them and noticed that I had a "C" in English 103 Critical Thinking and Writing. FUCK THAT. I earned an A and the teacher gave me an A. Not only that, but each essay that I had completed was no less than a 93. I started crying on my way home. I took that class 4 years ago. How am I going to prove that I really received an A?

Normally I feel kind of bright about the world in general, but lately I am feeling like what a relief it would be to walk outside and get hit by a bus. What an unappreciative bitch I am. Oh well.